just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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