11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
