the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
