is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
