APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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