From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As shirtless as possible
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
