We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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