his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
