Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
