I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
