So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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