I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
