Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
