Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
