kristin has been a bad kristin
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
