I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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