I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
