pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
