I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
