And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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