soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
