he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
