I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
