now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
