Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
