Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
