everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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