You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
