Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
