she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ketchup is God's man juice
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
