Umm I'm too high to move.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
