i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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