I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
