we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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