Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
