I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
