Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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