Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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