THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
