I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
