I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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