I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
