he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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