everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
