and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
