she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
