Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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