You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
