We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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