I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
