He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
