I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
