mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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