if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
