In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
