Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
