Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
