I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
