last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize