i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize