That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
