I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
