I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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