Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
