my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
