so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
