I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
