Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
