He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
should my penis look like a turkey
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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