I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
