do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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