I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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