She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just found a bag of teeth...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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