Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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