You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
