i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
