You smell like stripper and shame
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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